It’s with a heavy heart that I leave for Tioman Island for work purposes, feels like I’ve done this once before, going to an island I mean... Can’t shake the fact that there’s still a lot of work that I must do at the office, work that seemed to need more attention and is more critical to make sure everything is done in order. It’s what I have been working my butt of for the past couple of months in the office making sure everything doesn’t fall apart. But I guess I’m getting all worried about nothing, because it’s not like I’m the only one who is doing it. But sometimes it feels just like that, sometimes.

Maybe I feel uneasy to go because it might be from the fact that a lot of other people should be going instead of me. People, who would appreciate, enjoy and could have more of an experience that I could possibly have. Maybe it’s because of that guilt; I’m having second (thirds, fourths and so on) thoughts of going. But then again, a lot of people have gone out of their way to enable me to go to Tioman and I should at least thank them for that. Thank you. It’s just in my absence of acknowledging my worth to the company that I fail to notice that others have a better view of my worth. In other words, they see for me what I can’t see for myself. For that I appreciate it.

In the end, I of all people shouldn’t complain about all of this. Like the saying goes; “never look a gift horse in the mouth”. Appreciate what has been given to you and thank those who made it possible.

Why you should ask the title is ‘One Year’? It’s because it seems that life has gone full circle again. If I’m not wrong, I think last year it was a trip to Tenggol island. Coming back from it wasn’t something to look forward to. Going there was for all the wrong reasons and I hope that this trip don’t end up the same way… That’s jut all. The playing pieces have changed, but the game still remains the same. 

Funny, when you listen you get more out of it... Most people tell me that I'm a good listener, never really know what that is supposed to mean. Maybe I have a knack  at tiring my best at fixing things, a lot of things. It's my nature to find things that are broken, and fixing it the best I can....

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Q: What would you want to fix?

I believe that the only thing that will be truly lost are the things that you could never get to replace.

That's why I make it an effort to not lose these things. I guess that each of us has to decide for ourselves what thes things are as we each value them differently.

Because some of these things may not even be of value at all but will be the one that we will regret losing in the end. Something that we are willing to fight for, to die for, are exactly the things that we would give freely.

The principal of the matter is that in life, most of us take for granted the things that we would not have thought to be important in our lives until we have lost it. Trivial things seem to be for me, is the strangest things that I can’t seem to forget and sometimes not even wanting to remember.

We will lose a lot of things going thru life, but the things that we will be able to remember is up to us, to make it the most important things that we will never loose…

there will be people who you will meet
there will be people who you'll never see
there will be people who lives afar
there will be people who lives where you are
there will be people of diffrent race
of diffrent age and look of face

there will be people who you will know
who you thought you might have fogotten before
and those you try your hardest at best
that you try your best just to forget

there will be people who you will change your life
there will be people who from that they gain
there will be people who will be greatfull

from those people who lives you change
for time may change and change may come
and it will effect not all but some
for change will change all that we know
all that we thought can't change before

The constant and the definite.

Funny... I remember a story about the ant and the grasshopper a long time ago while watching the Muppet Show on TV. The Muppet Show version of the ant and the grasshopper was the best and I might say the most politically correct version as to date. It depicts the saga of the traditionally hard working ant and the unjustly stamped character of the grasshopper of being carefree and lazy. Though In my opinion they are more towards being dangerously volatile and destructive, but since it was a children program, I'll let it slide.

So coming back to the story, there was the ever so hard working ant working it's butt off day in and day out to store enough food for the winter. And yet I never did understand how an insect so small would want to do with a ton of food supply, I will never know. While in the distant background, there lays the ever so joyous grasshopper fiddling away with its violin having not a care in the world. Again I was dumbfounded by the portrayal of a grasshopper playing an instrument such as the violin which I guess was supposed to make it look either being happy and gay ('gay' which is referring to the 60's gay and not the 21st century perception of it) or jut that it has more talent than the ant, even though both insect poses the same logic processing nerves, ligament and tendon structure.

And as we all are aware of how the old story goes, the ant was trying to give its 2 cent to the ever so ignorant grasshopper about acting responsible and preparing for the future rather than just living for the moment. Seeing as the grasshopper was more a fan of 50 cent, thus telling the ant to go to the candy shop and buying a lollypop and sticking it where the sun don't shine. Eventhough the ant was only 48 cent short of convincing the grasshopper of his ways, they both parted tending to their separate agendas (and I thought ants are supposed to be good at calculus, go figure).

And so came the fateful day in which winter was upon the horizon. Yet to my surprise, something ironic happened:

"The grasshopper hopped in its convertible and went to California, while the ant got stepped on..."

The end.

As I was laughing away at the ending of the story, which was actually how the Muppet Story version ended, something profound came to mind. That story actually summarized the closes meaning to life in which I know of; There is no grater consistency in life than change, and no greater definite than death... That and also California is a great place to go in the winter.

I hoped that people would accept and understand that the only thing that is constant in our life is change while to remember that the only definite in life is death. Simple, yet true... The grasshopper know of the consistency of change thus moving on and yet the failure of the ant was not to the acceptance of change but the inability to remember that no matter how well you plan for the future, it won't stop the fact that you will most probably get stepped on in the end. Especially if you're an ant...

Oh, it also defines the logic on how the grasshopper could afford to own a convertible, because it knew how to play the violin, and you know a lot of people are famous for knowing to play the violin. Especially if you're a grasshopper...

Funny...
12th March 2007, 8:35pm. For some people, this will be a time where they could rest their heads sitting back at their sofas and watching their favorite TV programs while sipping a cool glass of water. For me, it's just one of those days staying back at the office, trying to figure out what am I supposed to do that I haven't already done for the past nine hours already.

It's just like where some people get abducted by aliens and tell of unspeakable experiments they have conducted and then erasing the memory of ever being into contact with them in the first place. Though, if you view the logic in it, how could they have remembered all that when they claim that they are supposed to forget about it?

Then again, I can't even remember half the things I do in the office even without being abducted by aliens. Though it would be nice to give that excuse to the client for not doing your job just by saying "I'm sorry, I was going to do the work, but I got abducted by aliens at my office. It actually happens most of the time too to the other employees..."

I guess sometimes it's better that we should try to get lost once in a while. From our daily routine, our troubles, sorrows, and most importantly our fears. Being lost to me is actually a perfect opportunity to 'Find' myself back again. Getting on the right track when we take a step back or off from the road that we were on. As for me I have absolutely no trouble in getting myself lost in so many ways. In thought, work, play, going to work, coming home from work and anything else in between. To sum it all up in a sentence, 'You will never truly find yourself if you are never lost...' or something like that. So in short, all I wanted to say to you guys is to GET LOST!!! %)

...Want fries with that?

Work, why it keep hanging on to your leg long after you have left the office? Should work be kept in the office? Like working in a circus and your position is the lion tamer. Imagine taking that kind of work back home with you... Its like I'm getting married and NOW of all time in the whole wide world; clients wants to have a meeting, contents for uploading comes in bundles like MAKRO having a year end sale and to top that off, I'm gonna miss the soft launch of the website. Tough.

Medium or large?

That's right, it doesn't come in small but you can always have it as side order and most of the time people have it 'To Go' which is usually a bad idea. But, there I was in front of the PC at 11:30 am, two and a half hours before my wedding tiring to key in as much data as humanly possible for the clients. Then again, being stressful is kinda good.

Just like fries.

Why? Cause it always taste horrid when it's cold. Leaves a bad taste in your mouth. But you can't seem to resist odering more. Why is that? Cos it's fries man, everybody loves fries right?

Thank you, come again.